Is it true? We wonder if it should be if it was with the view of ascertaining the exact state of the Thames around Mortlake? The government have sent out a smelling expedition for which service none but the sharpest nosed MPs were allowed to volunteer.

We are always anxious to avoid a statement, so we should be glad if we are wrong to be officially corrected. But we have heard that because of the perils of the trip, it was agreed that only the unmarried members should be suffered to embark on it less widowhood resulted.

We understand moreover to give the sniffers ample time for making their experiments, a government express boat was chartered for the voyage as being the slowest craft in use and shortest to breakdown. No member was allowed on board who had not made his will. An experienced core of surgeons were commissioned to attend in order to prevent loss of life if possible. All kinds of brandy and all kinds of antidotes were abundantly provided.

The nauseating nature of the service being known, arrangements were made for the comfort of the sick and every medical appliance to relieve them was in readiness. There was a liberal supply of hand basins and every member was allowed a steward to himself to prevent the fruitless bellowing and howling for that officer.

The question for the reflection of the public is how are we most fittingly to honour the members? How should we show our gratitude for what they have had the courage to go through for us. Their nasal gallantry must clearly not be left unrecognised, having sacrificed their noses on the altar of their country.

How are we to recompense them for their patriotic act? Shall we institute forthwith an order of nasal valour and decorate the heroes who survive to wear it ? Or would it be more suitable to erect for them a statue or strike a medal to commemorate the distinguished nasal service with the head of Father Thames seen at his most filthy and disgusting aspect, while the other might have the outline of a nose, pressed rather tightly with a thumb and finger. If this design won’t do let the nation find a better. Such exalted nasal heroism we have never before known and it is not meet to let it go unrewarded.

Sniff out your own comparisons.

With credit to Bazalgette, Punch (1890) and Edgar Allan Poe